My First Quarantine

From May to June of 2014, while things were relatively normal in the world, I lived a quarantine I never imagined possible. From May 4th through June 23rd, for almost 40 days, I only moved from ambulances to hospitals and hospitals to ambulances. This was due to a horse accident that resulted in my paraplegia from the waist down. From one day to the other, my everyday activities were interrupted and would never be the same again. My mind was intact (thank God!), but I would have to learn to manage my body in a completely different way, given that my spinal cord no longer connected my brain with any part of my body below my ribs. My routine had a complete turnabout. Besides not being able to do my job, I couldn’t even take care of my kids; now it was me who needed to be cared for. Not even the routine of getting up, showering, getting dressed… would ever be the same.

The quarantine we are living now has many similarities to that one: a drastic and irreversible change that brings upon uncertainty and apprehension. Luckily, this time I’m not in a hospital room (I’m in the comfort of my home), but it is still a quarantine. In my case, as a teacher and mother, it’s been hard to learn to manage the Virtual School experience. I’ve never been proficient with technology. These days I’ve had to learn and explore apps, record videos, edit them, upload them on social media, create web pages, design games, etc. I also miss my colleagues and students very much! Additionally, I’ve learned that it is much easier to teach a class of 24, than a single child of your own who clearly knows how to test your limits… much more so than his or her teachers’. Many of us have had to learn certain home duties that we always had help with. And the feeling of being shut away, even for those of us who have access to green space, is claustrophobic. Sharing our space with our family 24-7 is a challenge in itself. But probably the hardest thing of all is worrying about the future, and worrying for those who aren’t as lucky as we are (those of us who are blessed by living the quarantine in decent conditions). It’s clear that the economical crisis that has already started will worsen with time and our lives will never be the same. Social distancing is also new… until when? When will we be able (if we’re able) to socialize the way we used to? What will happen next?

This is why I decided to share this blog. In my first experience of quarantine, I was able to be at peace, and focus on smiling from my heart, limiting my mind to focus in the now and not worry about the future: simply mindful…happiness. I was able to keep my mind quiet and be happy regardless of the circumstances. This is the message I’d like to share through this blog. I hope it reaches those who need it.

A few days after my accident was my husband's birthday, and my birthday and anniversary are in May as well.  Despite the circumstances, I still felt like celebrating life and the family!

I am still surprised that the days of my first quarantine were as magical and exponential to my spiritual growth. Now I look back to those days and I am able to realize my own EVOLUTION and I am proud to be stronger than I ever imagined possible. We are in constant evolution, in a world which is also in constant evolution, in a universe which in fact is also in constant evolution. In other moments of human history, and in other latitudes even at this exact moment, there are and have been wars, natural disasters... In the history of our planet there have been ice ages, extinctions … and somewhere at the beginning of time our universe did not even exist. Nature evolves in spite of us. But humans also play our part in this evolution. From something as terrible as global warming, to something as wonderful as the advances in science and medicine (although limited as we feel them during this time), that have allowed for a better lifestyle and longer lifespan. As a species and as individuals, we are in a constant evolution. We have no other alternative than to adapt to the changes that do not depend on us. I believe the biggest crisis are the ones that urge us to evolve faster and deeper.

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives. Nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” - Charles Darwin

I thank God for the PEACE I felt at the moment of my accident and in the following days. Only a couple of minutes after I fell, I recovered consciousness, and I couldn't feel my body from the waist down. I know nothing about medicine but for some reason I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk again. However, I was consumed by a feeling of peace, and happiness because I was alive and with my mind intact. Right before I fell, I thought I was going to die. I was in gratitude that I had not. Mother Teresa said: “Peace begins with a smile.” I would add that it is a whole body smile from the bottom of one's heart. A mix of gratitude and happiness.

My parents and husband were abroad, and I was with my children, and two of my siblings with their families. As I traveled in the ambulance to Quito, I felt a light embracing my sister and I. I was able to speak calmly and clearly with the doctor and my family telling them with ease about my accident. We even have a tragically funny anecdote from this experience. In the call to my dad my sister made, my sister told him: “Don't worry. She is with God”. She was sharing I was at peace but, as many could imagine, my dad thought I had passed away!

From that day, and during the following month in the hospital, I felt that light and felt God's presence on several occasions. I remember that after they operated on my backbone I was doing well in the recovery room. But as soon as the effect of the anesthesia ended (for some reason the painkillers they gave me later did not have the expected effect in my organism), I felt an extreme and intense pain. The pain was such that I remember thinking: “God, I can't take it anymore. I can't even imagine how much pain You must’ve felt on the Cross, but I know I can't bear this pain any longer. I leave it in your hands.” I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I was feeling much better! I'm sure it was also due to the new painkillers the doctors gave me, but I am also certain God had His part in it.

I believe that when we are in pain or anguish, the best we can do is leave it in God’s hands. He finds the way to take away the burden. Life does not stop but we can stop our thinking,trust and have faith.

“Faith does not make things easy, it makes them possible.” Lucas 1:37

On other occasions, while on the hospital bed, I felt as if God was rocking me like a baby, making me feel safe and at peace. Thanks to some hypnosis that my dear friend Carolina Sevilla led me through, and some wonderful music she introduced me to, I was able to feel that bliss many times during my first quarantine. It was in those moments that I realized, more than ever, all the blessings I have. Of the songs I mentioned, two in particular touched my soul the most: “I am so blessed” and “The Healing Song” de Karen Drucker. I think that when we’re going through difficult times it is important to be gentle with ourselves and allow others to care for us.

I also learned to cherish life's small pleasures. For example, after a month of only sponge baths in bed, the first time I could shower by myself was absolutely fabulous!

Even though it might sound unbelievable, I treasure those days at the hospital. They were very special and helped me grow immensely. I got to know myself better and I was able to recognize my own strength and ability to comfort myself. I could feel love more intensely than ever: my family’s, friends’ and God’s. I had the unconditional support of my family, thanks to whom I had the absolute certainty that my children were well taken care of, and that they were also taking the best possible decisions regarding my health and recovery. I counted on several people’s prayers, church services organized for my health, messages all over social media, flowers, gifts, amulets… and even a video with motivational messages from over 60 friends from school. I had the support of my coworkers so that everything at my job kept running smoothly in my absence. I was in the hands of excellent doctors and health workers that were not only great professionals but also amazing people. Thank you Dr. Sebastián de la Torre, Dr. Alvaro Dávalos, Dr. Nelson Maldonado, Dr. Miguel Sempértegui, Dr. Verónica Ayala and many others..

I learned incredible lessons from people that I may have ever met if it weren’t for my accident. I opened my eyes and soul to a “world” I didn't know.. that of people with disabilities, where I´ve come to understand the phrase:

“Disability is the ability to be extraordinarily capable"

Groucho Marx

I know extraordinary people that live in complicated circumstances, but are able to face life with a smile and make the best of it.

As each person reacts differently to a crisis, my first quarantine was a time of peace and happiness. Perhaps, in psychological terms, I was in a process of denial or living in a state of euphoria. Whatever the reason, I am thankful for that blessing.

Later I would go through several difficult times filled with fear, acceptance, hardship… and even several painful changes such as the ending of my marriage. I've also been through many other wonderful moments. Such is life. It’s made up of moments. And I feel blessed because even in the hardest moments I've felt the certainty that “everything will be alright.” In the end, they have all contributed to my evolution.

I'm thankful that I'm now living this second quarantine in a state of peace. I hope most people are able to feel that way and evolve from it, regardless of the difficulties we are living and the ones that are to come. I do know it is easier to smile and feel peaceful from a place of privilege and surrounded by love. I pray to God for those who are going through economical hardships and are living in more challenging situations. I think we should help as much as we can, and I am sure God will do the rest. Let's have faith and try to live with the heartfelt smile that gives us peace and hope.